99 Page Blogfest! Page 99 of my WIP! Would You Read My Novel?

Song of the Day: I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack
www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV-Z1YwaOiw

    Hello all! It's been a rough week for me. What about yours? To lighten up the mood, I hope, I'm participating today in the 99 Page Blogfest! Basically, following my introduction I'll post page 99 of my WIP. People who are participating will stop by and tell me if they would keep reading and why or why not. Aaaaaaggghhhhh! Okay, now that that's out of the way, here is my page 99. I'd like anyone to tell me what they think. You don't have to be participating in the blogfest to leave a comment. Thanks in advance! Here goes nothing!

From my novel, tentatively titled, What's in the Fabric

When I arrived at the house, Wendy was already asleep, which was starting to become a regular thing for her. I was so used to her vibrant spirit always greeting me when I walked in, that her latest sleeping trends seemed a little on the strange side. Still, I knew she was getting older, and it was probably best for her health if she slowed down some. Plus, I was worried about that cold she seemed to be developing. If taking it easy would keep things from escalating, then so be it.


I glanced down at my cell phone for the time. It was already a little after ten o' clock. It was probably too late to call my father. But then again, if I called him now, maybe I would get his voice- mail, that way I wouldn't actually have to speak to him. I dialed his number and waited to hear his automated message on the other end.

“Hello?” he answered.

Damn. I really wasn't anticipating him being up at this time. I cleared my throat, “Hello, it's Amelia,” I said, avoiding using his name or having to call him father altogether.

“Amelia, sweetie, it's so good to hear from you!”

“I'm not waking you am I? If I am I can always call back some other time...”

“No, no, no! Don't be ridiculous. I'm still awake. I usually go to bed around eleven. Even if you did wake me, I wouldn't care. I've always got time to speak to you. So how have you been?”

“I've been okay,” I said. “You?”

“I've been good. Can't complain. Anything new happening?”

“Not really. I've started my own business. I now own a coffee shop. It's called the Secrets Cafe. It's literally five minutes away from mom's old house.”

“That's wonderful. I'd love to come see it sometime,” he said.

“Well, now that you mentioned it, that's why I'm calling. Wendy and I are hosting a sort of Thanksgiving celebration at the house next week. I know we haven't talked in a while, and that it's such short notice, but we'd like to invite you and your family to share the day with us.” There. I said it.
 
There you have it. Now let me know what you think.

25 comments:

Pam Harris said... .

Racquel!! Why were you so nervous? This was GOOD! :) Lol, I know that feeling of wanting to just leave a message but the person actually picks up. And now I'm all curious about her relationship w/ her dad and how it got to that point. Of course I would read more! Good thing I'm in the next fiction module with you. :)

January 28, 2011 at 5:52 AM
Marquita Hockaday said... .

OMG- this is really good! I definitely would keep reading because I want to know if her dad is going to say yes...and then what will happen when he shows up. I like how I can feel Amelia's tension on this page. I also like how I learn more about Wendy from this one page. WOW- I am so impressed! Great job, girlie :)

January 28, 2011 at 6:27 AM
Holly Dodson said... .

This is really good, and I could totally relate to the MC about wanting to leave a message. lol Great job!

January 28, 2011 at 7:06 AM
Wendy Tyler Ryan said... .

This was very good. I don't know what's going on with father and daughter, it's something he is obviously oblivious to but she seems resentlful, maybe? I'm intrigued.

January 28, 2011 at 9:46 AM
KO: The Insect Collector said... .

I like it-- a lot of drama packed into just one page (in the good way). I want to know the story behind this!

January 28, 2011 at 10:31 AM
Heather M. Gardner said... .

I would turn the page. How else will we know if he says yes or no?
Thanks for sharing.

January 28, 2011 at 10:54 AM
Petoria Gayle said... .

Its good Racquel! I would definitely keep reading! I want to know what illness her sister has and if her parents are divorced... so many thoughts came to mind! You definitely got my imaginative juices flowing =D Great job!

January 28, 2011 at 12:13 PM
Caroline said... .

I'd read on. There are intriguing elements here. He seems nice, but she's clearly reluctant to be close with him. I can definitely relate to hoping for voice mail.

January 28, 2011 at 12:14 PM
Loralie Hall said... .

Oh my. So many potential conflicts and plot threads to follow here. I'd love to know more about the father/daughter relationship and why it's soured her, and about the friend sleeping, and...yeah, I'd read more ^_^

January 28, 2011 at 12:29 PM
Francine Howarth said... .

Hi,

Great little scene, and I'm guessing separated parents and unresolved issues. Yes, would read on, or more likely flip to front page. ;)

best
F

January 28, 2011 at 1:07 PM
Alicia Gregoire said... .

So much underlying tension. I would definitely read on!

Thanks for participating!

January 28, 2011 at 1:18 PM
Maria Rodriguez said... .

Wow Racquel, this is really good. You definitely have my attention. I'm very curious as to what is going on with Wendy, what is her illness? I'm also wondering what happened between Amelia and her father that severed their relationship. You mentioned her father has another family so I'm wondering if this is the reason. I can relate to Amelia's "damn" feeling when her father answered the phone lol I would absolutely keep reading.

January 28, 2011 at 1:22 PM
Racquel Henry said... .

Thanks for the comments everyone! It means a lot! I was so nervous! And yes, there is supposed to be tension. Amelia's mother died at the start of the story. Her father left them years ago and her mother's best friend (Wendy) encourages her to reach out to him.
January 28, 2011 at 1:52 PM

Racquel Henry said... .

Also, if anyone wants to leave a critique...please do so. I have thick skin and I wouldn't take it personally. Thanks!
January 28, 2011 at 1:55 PM

Ezmirelda said... .

Wow this is awesome. If I had any feedback to give you I would but at the moment I don't see anything that needs nitpicking. :)

January 28, 2011 at 2:07 PM
Mo said... .

I like it! I like how the dialogue reflects the tension. Amelia's speech is really stiff - but in a good way, a way that makes me feel that she's sitting there, tense, making herself invite him.

I would read on :)

January 28, 2011 at 2:46 PM
Dawn Embers said... .

I started to get into it towards the end. I'd want to go to the start to see more about the character and at least learn the main character's age. Sounds like there are some interesting character dynamics and conflict.

January 28, 2011 at 2:49 PM
Erinn said... .

Guess what, I'm follower 100. WOOT.

I really loved this excellent work.

Thanks for joining in the fun.

January 28, 2011 at 4:06 PM
Marie Rearden said... .

There's not a lot of non-dialogue, but I can still feel the hesitation from the characters. If this is page 99, I would be curious what happened before this.

Keep writing.

Marie, http://marierearden.blogspot.com

January 28, 2011 at 5:01 PM
Marie Rearden said... .

There's not a lot of non-dialogue, but I can still feel the hesitation from the characters. If this is page 99, I would be curious what happened before this.

Keep writing.

Marie, http://marierearden.blogspot.com

January 28, 2011 at 5:01 PM
Angela Felsted said... .

It has a nice casual feel.

January 28, 2011 at 8:21 PM
Perri said... .

This is really interesting. I've always dreamed of opening up a coffee shop somewhere (Bet A LOT of people do) and I am interested about that plot point. As well a the relationship with the father. I liked the expecting to leave a message thing too, so real.

You might pare down some of the dialogue explanation. The reader will follow you. Just "Damn!" for instance rather than "Damn. I really wasn't anticipating him being up at this time." That sort of thing.

But regardless,I'd read on.

January 29, 2011 at 5:26 AM
Meika said... .

Ooh, the tension! I'd most definitely read on just to find out what is UP with this daughter/daddy relationship. GREAT job!

January 29, 2011 at 7:35 AM
gideon 86 said... .

We can tell from this that there are some family issues here. Always an intriguing subject matter.

You set up a believable scene... I'd turn the page.

Michael

January 29, 2011 at 7:57 AM
Claudia said... .

Hi Racquel,
FYI: I added you to my blogroll ;)
Now I can see your latest posts and then comment. :)
Keep writing!
Claudia
www.claudiadelbalso.blogpost.com

January 31, 2011 at 8:11 AM

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